lately, although I have been having a blast, my moods have been less than stable. I am so completely stressed out about so many things, I have trouble sleeping some nights. there are about 5 or more things stressing me out as of lately.
school right now: Just trying to get everything done and done well. My biology class is killing me. In lab I understand things completely, I'm able to explain things and everything makes sense to me. When I go to take exams the information leaves my head and I get horrible grades, I have a feeling this will be the class that drags me down this semester. I really need to focus now. Its cram time, we have like.. 2 months left of classes, I need to pull my shit together. ALSO people that enjoy watching forgien films.. I need to watch some french films for my French class to report on... anyone interested in joining me or have any suggestions on some good movies?
School future: Lately it has crossed my mind that teaching may not be what I want to do. I'm looking to the future and.. I'm having trouble seeing myself as a good teacher. I love children, they are wonderful... but will teaching be my thing? I don't want to go to school for 4 more years to find out that teaching isn't really what I want to do. What I do know is that I do want to work in schools, but now I'm thinking more on the lines of being a guidence counsaler.. maybe working with older kids, helping them plan out their futures, discuss problems ect. I'll still be in the school environment, I will still be working with kids, I'll have all the same vacations and summers off.. that sounds really good to me..
Relationships: Those are always stressful. I'm happy. I love who I'm with. My insecureties get the best of me sometimes though. I feel like there is a part that isn't very trusting of me... I think I read into things too much... but I'd rather be safe than sorry?
people that talk shit: there is a certain someone who felt the need to voice pretty much the fact that he though I was easy and made up some lies about me... yeah NOT COOL. That person knows nothing about me and to make some sort of judgment like that is not kosher. fuck stupid boys.
me feeling like a unreliable friend: Helen this is for you.. I'm a douche. pretty much. slept through my alaram AGAIN. WAY TO GO NICOLE! probably made her late to class regardless, she has mucho patience for my retardedness. I need to work on the whole being on time thing.. I'm not to good at it.
my poor body image: Yes I'm a typical girl, I hate my body. I'm NOT fishing for compliments, I think I have been on a constant on and off diet for the past... 5 years? I've had so many gym memberships. I'm going to peurto rico in like 6 weeks where bathing suits will be the main clothing worn most likely... haha I think last summer was the first time I wore a bathingsuit since I was.. like.. 15? ahhh so pretty much... I need to work out and diet like crazy for 6 weeks... lets see how that goes, any suggestions on doing this would be great.. if you know what you are talking about of course.. I really want to tone up a lot, weight isn't really the issue, I just want to be tight
Dancing on tables is fun Creepy dudes are not so fun... but make things more entertaining heels are brutle on the feet. Wearing heals all the time for no reason.. is hot daisy dukes are hot I need to lose 20 pounds.. my legs= FLABBY! embrace your boobs! worry about reductions later! I LOVE MY GIRLS Smoking sucks but I sure love cloves I need to go out dancing WAY more
so.. things are good, not a lot is different, I started tanning, I think I'm a lot darker/ redder than I was, which is awesome I dyed my hair dark brown, its temp. hair dye so it isn't as damaging to my hair. I think my hair has grown some as well, which is great, I decided I'm not going to cut it for another few months, prob not till summer. I started working out again, I really think it is paying off, I feel like I'm toning up a little bit but I have a long way to go. I just have to stop eating junk. school is going well, I feel like I'm doing alright in my classes. I have an exam I need to really cram for tonight that is tomorrow morning. not looking forward to it. I'm slowly but surely finishing my college applications, my le moyne one is finished and I found out that if you apply online they don't charge you the $35 dollar fee, which is awesome because I really can't afford it anyway. and the cortland and buffalo state applications are done I just need the cash to send them out...
I have to do some birthday shopping for some people, I wish I had more money available to spend on people, but my bills are due again soon which bums me out. I really need to pay off my stupid credit card..
so this weekend was a blast. It wasn't how it was originally supposes to be. Helen and Hillary were suppose to join us, but it ended up being Matty, Mike and Matt's friend Tim who was awesome. we left friday morning to get to Toronto, I think we got there pretty quickly, or maybe it just felt that way. We put all our shit in our hotel room, which was right in downtown Toronto,meaning bars were in walking distance from our room. I also got a parking ticket within the first 20 mins we were there, which was way lame but its only 30 bucks canadian. As soon as we got our stuff all put away in the room we headed right over to Metrojam(a BMX competition, which was the whole reason why we were there. besides having to sit for long periods of time the competition was awesome. Dave Mirra even rode which was really awesome to watch. I have some video footage of a few of the riders. I met so many people this weekend, it was really great, I was also the only girl within the group of people we were hanging out with, which was fine by me. everyone was really chill. I acctually think I might get a bike, something cheap just to ride around on for the summer. I really need a way to keep active and I think that will help.. I don't know. Toronto was awesome, I'm def. going back when it gets nicer out, but I will have to bring lots of girls and we will go out dancing and be crazy..
I have been having so much fun lately. I love my girls more than anything. NYC was amazing even though it snowed on us and we all got soaked. I love dancing. Rum and coke is delicious. I want long hair, hair extensions might be in order soon. I need to start going to the gym before I turn into a chunk. florida for spring break? maybe? naked cowboys, transvestites, and gay boys make everything much more interesting. I need to start reading more. tapeworms... chodes... and pooping.. should not be talked about in public places.