Le Desorder, C'est Moi

fakefrenchx @ 2006-04-15T14:14:00

2006-04-15T18:18:10Z

the storm last night was so fitting to the mood I was in...

I love thunderstorms sometimes

fakefrenchx @ 2006-04-14T23:08:00

2006-04-15T03:09:36Z

I hate myself a lot of the time.

I need to learn to love myself a little more..

maybe that will fix things.

fakefrenchx @ 2006-04-07T23:02:00

2006-04-08T03:04:20Z

I feel like my eyes are going to fall out of my head.

but I feel to run down to sleep.. does that even make sense?

I really hate these moods I get into, I think its the weather. grey days make me feel grey as well.

coldplay is the perfect music right now.

fakefrenchx @ 2006-04-04T15:20:00

2006-04-04T19:22:25Z

lately, although I have been having a blast, my moods have been less than stable. I am so completely stressed out about so many things, I have trouble sleeping some nights. there are about 5 or more things stressing me out as of lately.

school right now: Just trying to get everything done and done well. My biology class is killing me. In lab I understand things completely, I'm able to explain things and everything makes sense to me. When I go to take exams the information leaves my head and I get horrible grades, I have a feeling this will be the class that drags me down this semester. I really need to focus now. Its cram time, we have like.. 2 months left of classes, I need to pull my shit together. ALSO people that enjoy watching forgien films.. I need to watch some french films for my French class to report on... anyone interested in joining me or have any suggestions on some good movies?

School future: Lately it has crossed my mind that teaching may not be what I want to do. I'm looking to the future and.. I'm having trouble seeing myself as a good teacher. I love children, they are wonderful... but will teaching be my thing? I don't want to go to school for 4 more years to find out that teaching isn't really what I want to do. What I do know is that I do want to work in schools, but now I'm thinking more on the lines of being a guidence counsaler.. maybe working with older kids, helping them plan out their futures, discuss problems ect. I'll still be in the school environment, I will still be working with kids, I'll have all the same vacations and summers off.. that sounds really good to me..

Relationships: Those are always stressful. I'm happy. I love who I'm with. My insecureties get the best of me sometimes though. I feel like there is a part that isn't very trusting of me... I think I read into things too much... but I'd rather be safe than sorry?

people that talk shit: there is a certain someone who felt the need to voice pretty much the fact that he though I was easy and made up some lies about me... yeah NOT COOL. That person knows nothing about me and to make some sort of judgment like that is not kosher. fuck stupid boys.

me feeling like a unreliable friend: Helen this is for you.. I'm a douche. pretty much. slept through my alaram AGAIN. WAY TO GO NICOLE! probably made her late to class regardless, she has mucho patience for my retardedness. I need to work on the whole being on time thing.. I'm not to good at it.

my poor body image: Yes I'm a typical girl, I hate my body. I'm NOT fishing for compliments, I think I have been on a constant on and off diet for the past... 5 years? I've had so many gym memberships. I'm going to peurto rico in like 6 weeks where bathing suits will be the main clothing worn most likely... haha I think last summer was the first time I wore a bathingsuit since I was.. like.. 15? ahhh so pretty much... I need to work out and diet like crazy for 6 weeks... lets see how that goes, any suggestions on doing this would be great.. if you know what you are talking about of course.. I really want to tone up a lot, weight isn't really the issue, I just want to be tight

also my hair sucks and I'm pastey white! ahhhh

fakefrenchx @ 2006-04-02T07:24:00

2006-04-02T11:29:31Z

things I learned this weekend:

Dancing on tables is fun
Creepy dudes are not so fun... but make things more entertaining
heels are brutle on the feet.
Wearing heals all the time for no reason.. is hot
daisy dukes are hot
I need to lose 20 pounds.. my legs= FLABBY!
embrace your boobs! worry about reductions later!
I LOVE MY GIRLS
Smoking sucks but I sure love cloves
I need to go out dancing WAY more

its 7:30 in the AM WHY AM I UP?!

fakefrenchx @ 2006-03-22T13:08:00

2006-03-22T18:10:06Z

I don't want to be a girl hater...

but they have the worst intentions... ugh

fakefrenchx @ 2006-03-15T16:07:00

2006-03-15T21:26:53Z

so.. things are good, not a lot is different,
I started tanning, I think I'm a lot darker/ redder than I was, which is awesome
I dyed my hair dark brown, its temp. hair dye so it isn't as damaging to my hair.
I think my hair has grown some as well, which is great, I decided I'm not going to cut it for another few months, prob not till summer.
I started working out again, I really think it is paying off, I feel like I'm toning up a little bit but I have a long way to go. I just have to stop eating junk.
school is going well, I feel like I'm doing alright in my classes. I have an exam I need to really cram for tonight that is tomorrow morning. not looking forward to it.
I'm slowly but surely finishing my college applications, my le moyne one is finished and I found out that if you apply online they don't charge you the $35 dollar fee, which is awesome because I really can't afford it anyway.
and the cortland and buffalo state applications are done I just need the cash to send them out...

I have to do some birthday shopping for some people, I wish I had more money available to spend on people, but my bills are due again soon which bums me out. I really need to pay off my stupid credit card..

bleh..

fakefrenchx @ 2006-03-07T16:01:00

2006-03-07T21:04:17Z

I'm buying my first bmx bike today.. just in time for the nice weather, I'm really excited.. its a pretty inexpensive bike but I think I'm going to have a blast learning to handle it.

metro

2006-03-06T12:00:13Z

so this weekend was a blast. It wasn't how it was originally supposes to be. Helen and Hillary were suppose to join us, but it ended up being Matty, Mike and Matt's friend Tim who was awesome. we left friday morning to get to Toronto, I think we got there pretty quickly, or maybe it just felt that way. We put all our shit in our hotel room, which was right in downtown Toronto,meaning bars were in walking distance from our room. I also got a parking ticket within the first 20 mins we were there, which was way lame but its only 30 bucks canadian. As soon as we got our stuff all put away in the room we headed right over to Metrojam(a BMX competition, which was the whole reason why we were there. besides having to sit for long periods of time the competition was awesome. Dave Mirra even rode which was really awesome to watch. I have some video footage of a few of the riders. I met so many people this weekend, it was really great, I was also the only girl within the group of people we were hanging out with, which was fine by me. everyone was really chill. I acctually think I might get a bike, something cheap just to ride around on for the summer. I really need a way to keep active and I think that will help.. I don't know. Toronto was awesome, I'm def. going back when it gets nicer out, but I will have to bring lots of girls and we will go out dancing and be crazy..

fakefrenchx @ 2006-01-06T02:44:00

2006-01-06T07:42:00Z

I like how when things are going so well and your surrounded by good people and having great times....

theres always someone there to bring you down and make you feel like shit.

fakefrenchx @ 2006-01-03T21:52:00

2006-01-04T02:48:35Z

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Not strip for free anymore.

Get your resolution here

sounds good....

fakefrenchx @ 2006-01-03T14:20:00

2006-01-03T19:22:41Z

I have been having so much fun lately.
I love my girls more than anything.
NYC was amazing even though it snowed on us and we all got soaked.
I love dancing.
Rum and coke is delicious.
I want long hair, hair extensions might be in order soon.
I need to start going to the gym before I turn into a chunk.
florida for spring break? maybe?
naked cowboys, transvestites, and gay boys make everything much more interesting.
I need to start reading more.
tapeworms...
chodes...
and pooping..
should not be talked about in public places.

life is good right now.

fakefrenchx @ 2005-12-16T12:26:00

2005-12-16T17:25:13Z

so last night at weggies a woman got her purse snatched in the parking lot...

then right before my shift ended an old man got caught shoplifting..

I work in a nuthouse!

also I am not a fan of this snow/ice stuff ... my car is covered in ice and I can't scrape it off..

bleh :(

fakefrenchx @ 2005-12-14T15:33:00

2005-12-14T20:32:13Z

King Kong was such an awesome movie, I totally didn't think I was going to like it but I LOVED it! and I cried at the end because I'm a baby :(

ALSO.. The Lion the Witch and the Wordrob was amazing! I suggest everyone go read the book then go see the movie.. amazingness..

I'm so lame :)

fakefrenchx @ 2005-12-10T12:39:00

2005-12-10T17:44:48Z

I wish I had some juice boxes

fakefrenchx @ 2005-12-09T14:15:00

2005-12-09T19:18:09Z

time to put myself on a diet, start going to the gym and getting my ass in shape!!!

bleh

fakefrenchx @ 2005-12-03T08:10:00

2005-12-03T13:12:44Z

ugghhhhh..

why does this bother me....

should it bother me.... ?!?!?!

fakefrenchx @ 2005-11-23T12:58:00

2005-11-23T17:56:15Z

someone need to buy me a bottle of wine and get me drunk this weekend

someone also needs to do the 5 tons of homework I need to get done within these next 5 days

ahhh

I love her

2005-11-22T05:17:40Z

latest piece of work, not quite finished yet, hopefully one more sitting and she will be finished

fakefrenchx @ 2005-11-20T18:34:00

2005-11-20T23:35:26Z

I have the urge to be blonde again...

but I can't imagine my hair would be too happy if I did that...

maybe summer time

America's Next Top Model

2005-11-17T02:47:37Z

wwhyyyyyyyy did they eliminate Lisa!!! ugghh

she was super annoying but her photos were hot grrr

I was really hoping for Jayla to be eliminated tonight

booo

fakefrenchx @ 2005-11-11T21:36:00

2005-11-12T02:34:29Z

ahhhh someone buy me a gym membership I'm poor and getting faaatttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fakefrenchx @ 2005-11-07T16:44:00

2005-11-07T21:45:17Z

ssooo I registered for my spring classes today and payed off my OCC bill for fall semester.

I'm taking:

Biology 101 Tuesday/Thursdays 9:30-10:45
French 101 ' ' 11:00-12:15
Western Civ 2 104 ' '12:30-1:45
Ethics 108 ' '2:00- 3:15

Bio 101 lab wednesdays 9:00-10:50

hopefully I will be able to pick up a math class, I just want to Graduate ASAP and transfer and start teaching

ahhh

fakefrenchx @ 2005-11-01T13:03:00

2005-11-01T18:14:49Z

I'm not entirly sure how I'm feeling right now. I constatly feel like someone is trying to hurt me/ ruin my life, could I be right or wrong. I don't usually find any straight answers anymore, everything seems so sneaky. why can people just be open, talk about things, reasure me.

maybe I am expecting too much from people. probably..

I need to join a gym and get a tanning membership, I'm feeling pretty ugly as of lately and that needs to change.

I feel like I need to mend problems with people in the past, discuss shit, I feel like I have so much anger still pent up inside me, some sort of closure I feel would be helpful.

I need to work on a lot of things, I feel like I don't have any time. I have to work Tuesday through Sunday, I have a history exam on Thursday that I need to do very well on. I think I am failing American Sign Language, which sucks because I feel like I have the potential and the knowledge to pass it. I might just take french next semester, or something, I decided that I am going to take winter classes spring and a sumer semester to be done with this school and start getting into my education degree. I want to start working with children again so badly. soon enough.

fakefrenchx @ 2005-10-29T17:34:00

2005-10-29T21:55:10Z

its funny how, emotions are so trivial now
words are thrown around like a joke
I'll keep to myself from now on, aparently I'm not stable enough to share my emotions with people

I'm not sure

I really give up